Life, Language, and Purpose

I started this blog more than 3 years ago, while I was attending the University of Utah studying Chinese Language and Literature as well as Asian Studies (with an emphasis on history). I didn't know what I was going to do with Chinese... I certainly didn't speak it with any degree of fluency. I just knew I was attracted to the language, the culture, and the girl that I had met when I was 17 years old.

After I finished that year, I worked for a summer, living with my childhood best friend, sleeping on a couch, and frequently working 10-12 hour days at Subway (the sandwich place) in Evanston, Wyoming. Through lots of sacrificing fun activities, I managed to save a few thousand, buy plane tickets, get a passport and visa, and then flew to China to meet this beautiful young lady who had my heart.

Looking back at it, it's simply amazing nothing went wrong.

My luggage was full of Chinese text books, a couple sets of clothes, and a variety of Chocolates. In my heart, I felt peace. It was as if it were the most correct thing in the world to fly across an ocean to meet a girl and her family. I arrived at the airport, met the lady who I had been chatting with nearly every day for two years, with whom I had exchanged phone-calls, photos, videos. For the first minute that we spoke, we kept it simple. She gave me some options to choose from, such as eating, exploring, or just going to our hotel and sleeping (we each had our own rooms). I just wanted to explore.

Five minutes passed. We were on a bus taking us to the center of Pudong district in Shanghai.

I was in a completely different country, different language, and different culture, but at that moment in the short span of my life, everything felt completely normal and at peace. It didn't matter where I was, but only who I was with. And I was near the person with whom I was meant to be with. That's all that mattered.

More to come later.

Part 5: Through the Spring...

     At about this time last year, I began to see the end of school quickly approaching. It was also the same time I began to seriously consider studying Chinese as a major, trying to visualize what it would be like. If I studied Chinese, why would I do it?

    Before that moment of consideration, I hadn't given much thought as to WHY to study Chinese. I had just been immersing myself into everything chinese that I could get my head and mind into. For the first time, I began to think about if I were able to speak Chinese (with the understanding Chinese = Mandarin), where would I live and work? Hehe... Everybody wants Chinese speakers. Governments, banks, schools, large companies, little start-ups. The reality is, the United States is very intimately connected to China. Our futures are one and the same, so that for better or worse, we need each other. If anything, the current economic challenges highlight this reality. Our government is paying for the bailout using Chinese money. If we do not shop, the growth in China declines. Ipso facto: Chinese= very useful language. That meant there would always be some type of work related to Chinese. Still, money isn't everything.

     The more that I talked with my friend, the more that I saw of the differences between Chinese culture, and western culture. As I tried to read about modern culture, and began finding more about the story of change, that conflict of traditional values struggling, trying to find balance with the modern, widely interconnected world... That story fascinated me (it fascinates me all the time, actually), and drew me even further toward Chinese history and culture, ever changing, terribly violent and terribly beautiful all the same. 

     So I was going to learn chinese, out of respect and awe of its history, culture, and grammatical aspects. But what about all the funny looking shapes in chinese writing? And isn't Chinese supposed to be "the hardest" language to learn?

Well... That was something I would worry about later. At that moment, I had to find a job.

Part 4: Ending, and Beginning...

     With all of the Chinese people I began to talk to, there were two things I noticed about them. They were very proud to be Chinese, and also very curious about what life was like in America. What do Americans look like, what kind of food do we eat, how big are our normal houses (None of these questions are rude to ask)?

     The sheer curiousity of Chinese people to know what is outside of China impressed me. So often, Americans don't bother, or care about what happens in other parts of the world, so long as they have TV, Beer, a house, and relative comfort. In that way, perhaps Americans are selfish (or maybe self-centered)... of course, this is all generally speaking. Some Americans of course care very much about what happens around the world, too. 

     Remember also, that everybody that I was talking to was a person that was choosing to be curious about the world, by virtue of looking for language partners on the internet. Like any other nation, China still has people who just don't care about anything more than thier own little lives...but that wasn't my first impression during this time. (And my girlfriend pointed that out to me as I was reading a draft of my blog to her. 谢谢，亲爱的)

     And so it was, that with my new, but slowly building friendship with a chinese girl I began to share more of what my daily life was like, and what I was learning in my classes.

She began to share hers.

     Friendship grew stronger... so did my continuing interest in Chinese, and the culture...and it began to affect what I saw myself doing in the future, and what I wanted to learn. So, I began investigating, and found the public college in Utah which taught Chinese as a major. The result: the University of Utah, located in Salt Lake City....

     While there was another college in the state that taught both Mandarin and Cantonese, it was private, costing me at least 15,000 a year, as a result of not being a member of the religion. I'm not made of money (I don't have a lot of money to spend), so the University of Utah was also good for that. In addition, some of my family also lived in the area, in case I ever needed some help.

     I applied for financial aid, and tried to receive some help from the government. What resulted, was that I received a couple grants, a sizable scholarship, and some pocket-change. My tuition, in essence, was paid for in part by government and a private organization... I could never have been more grateful for the financial help I received (I want to give a scholarship in the future, when I am no longer in school...really, it helped me a lot). 

     Meanwhile, I was finishing highschool, and also graduating from college at the same time with an Associates Degree, and still trying to learn chinese during my free time, learning little phrases that helped in talking about events during the day, eating, drinking, sleeping, studying, etc. .

All of that was great... but how was I going to pay for my living at school?

Part 3: and the journey continues...

I found studypond.com...

     I think that is when I seriously began to  truly learn Chinese. Suddenly, having the opportunity to speak with real Chinese people, who didn't speak/write the best English, forced me to learn at least some very very basic Mandarin. 我 (wo) = I, 你 (ni) = you, and 他 (ta) = he/him/she/her. 是 (shi) = to be (copula verb, the closest equivalent of the "to be" verb in English). With that, I added a few extra vocabulary words, such as "xue sheng" (student), "mei guo ren" (American person), etc. Thus, I had some very, very basic vocabulary... luckily, the grammar was similar to English.

     For example: 我 (wo=I) 是 (shi=is/am) 美国人 (mei guo ren=American person). "I am American (person)." The same word order as english. Woohoo!

     With this, I find studypond.com, and it had some free lessons, as well as a "study partner" section, both of which I was interested in.

     The first person I tried to talk to, was a Chinese guy in Chengdu, who was an engineering student. He didn't speak English well at all, and I realized very quickly, that my very very tiny vocabulary and grammar wasn't sufficient to continue talking to him. We both became frustrated, and never talked after our second time. Strike one.

     The second person who I tried to talk to was a business lady in Shanghai, who said she was 31, unmarried, and wanted to practice her spoken English. When I tried to write in English, I she barely understood. Instead, she called me using msn, and we tried to talk. As long as I used very simple English, and spoke moderately slowly, she understood me. For me, with Chinese, I spoke terribly. My tones were terrible, and I didn't know how to properly pronounce the words. So, she helped me with my pronunciation, and corrected my tones. For that, I was grateful. However, I quickly got the feeling that she wasn't just interested in practicing language. She seemed lonely... I think she was looking for more than just a person to practice with, and I, being 17 at the time, was just a polite American kid :). Soon, she became busy with work, and began to miss our chat appointments. So, we fell away from our communication...I would like to think we both had a good, educational experience. She just seemed to be looking for more. Strike two.

     The third person I tried talking to, caught my eye with a picture of the side of her face staring at a computer. The look on the face seemed very determined, and that immediately looked both attractive and encouraging. So, I sent an email to her in both English and Spanish (she said on her profile that she was interested in Spanish, so I tried it.). She responded to me in both English, and all Chinese characters! (I, at this time, probably only knew 15 characters in total...it blew my mind). She said that she was a student, studying international business, and that she was excited to have an American person to practice her English with. With that, we began talking, slowly building an acquaintanceship. At first, we exchanged only very general information, and interests.

     I tried to use as much Chinese as I knew, but it quickly became apparent that she knew much more English than I knew Chinese, so that it happened we began to mainly use English. At first, I would give a definition for every other word that I used in English...slowly, though, I began to reduce the definitions, so that after two months, I would rarely use a definition, unless I thought that it was a completely new word. Still, she began to impress me with her views, ideas, and opinions. One thing that was fascinating, was when she would talk about her opinions of her own country... I began to see a different China, through the eyes of a Chinese girl. It was different than the news or movies in the U.S. would try to show it. The China she began to show me, made sense, was living and breathing, trying to heal itself, even as it battled different perceived sicknesses within itself. For the first time, not only was I interested in Chinese (Mandarin), but also the fascinating country and culture that spoke the language.

     Strike three... wait, there never was a strike three. Instead, I began to work hard to maintain the valuable relationship which I had accidentally come into, realizing before I knew it, that half my mind was beginning to live in China, the China as lived in through the eyes of this girl. 

And so, my journey continued, following an unexpected path. It was a path that began to change both my view of the world, and my plans for the future...

Part 2: A long way traveled, and a long way to go...

Where were we?... Oh, yes. I was talking about how I thought I had found the "Chinese Learner's Bible", after I bought a grammar book from Amazon (For the curious reader, the book happens to be one in a series of study aids provided by Schaum's. A simple amazon search will quickly yield results, and fetching the price of around $20).

But to get back to the main point. It wasn't that easy. Like many ideas which start out, I had the vague notion that buying a grammar book with all the rules for the language, would give me a guide. Then, I could just follow the grammar... Subject + verb - object = sentence... like math, right?

Wrong.

What I began to discover, was that unlike many western languages which have been studied to death for several hundred years, the study of Chinese language and its grammar is still quite young... to add to that, Mandarin Chinese simply just doesn't follow the rules and terms that western scholars try to use to describe it. Without being too nerdy, but still explaining, I have to ask you to remember back to high school English. Every sentence needs a Subject, verb, and object... Or think of it this way: you need the "race-car driver", the "engine", and the good ol' race-car which is moved by the engine... To make a sensible sentence in English, we need all these things, with very very few exceptions (such as "Stop!", "Help!" or other exclamations).

Now that we have our race-car model of language, we can talk about Chinese... In Chinese, sometimes the race-car is both the engine and the car, with no driver. Occasionally, there is only an engine (just rattling around making lots of noise by itself).

Upon realizing that I might have been in over my head, I stopped, held my breath, then relaxed as I exhaled. I felt better, but I was still in over my head. So what did I do? What any sensible guy would do... I stubbornly kept going in the wrong direction, trying earnestly to cast out in every conceivable direction, grasping at any straws that seemed to offer help. I needed advice. I needed direction. I needed a language partner. And so I began to cast around, looking for different options, before finally finding a two-birds-with-one-stone website, called www.studypond.com (which offers both lessons, and a study-partner area).

There, I would find the next step of my journey.

Part 1: A long way traveled, and a long way to go...

I'm Max, and I have a story to share with whoever wishes to watch my life unfold...

But first, there is a bit of catching up to do.

Exactly 0ne year, 5 months, and 2 days ago, I started the process of learning Chinese. Why Chinese? Well, one day, I was bored after school, and like any person who is properly bored nowadays, I was surfing on the internet. In a crucial, random moment of fate, I clicked on an ad for Rosetta Stone, explored the website, and saw that they had a trial lesson for Mandarin Chinese. I was intrigued... after all, isn't Chinese one of the most difficult languages? So, I started the lesson, guided by the automatic features and slick interface of Rosetta Stone, and after 20 minutes, realized that Chinese was like any other language. I mean, sure, it has that strange "tones" issue (where if you say a word while raising your pitch, it means something different than saying that exact same word with a lowering pitch), but after the trial lesson, I knew how to say "The boy runs", and "The girls sit", and understood what the different parts of the sentences meant....suddenly, Chinese seemed like a very real possibility.

And I ran with it.

Slowly, I began to tell people that I wanted to learn Chinese, and I checked-out a few websites about Chinese... Oh, and let's not forget wikipedia! (speaking of wiki, I donated $5 during their last fund-drive).

But I was poor, too poor to afford Rosetta Stone... Difficulty can breed ingenuity. So of course, I downloaded an illegal copy of Rosetta Stone, through a popular peer-to-peer filesharing network (In a hypocritic stance, I don't suggest other people do this). Et Viola! I was in business.

Or so I thought.

I, a language enthusiast (tried to learn arabic on my own too :P, and speaking passable Spanish), realized that I needed some sort of a manual. So, I went to Amazon and gazed at several grammar books, and a vocabulary book. Two weeks later, I had my books in hand, and was eager to learn.

But alas, such things are never easy. I still had quite a way to go, in order to find my current path...